Teenage Ace

Teenage Ace

This is a blog about the teenage aces there. Every post will be LGBTQIA+ positive and many will be able the struggles, positive times and experiences of teenage aces. Feel free to ask us anything.
Niki, Raven and Jacob

Anonymous asked: Can hickies be non-sexual, or am I wrong to think this? I definitely don't get "turned on" by receiving them, but i find the sensation of capillaries bursting to be enjoyable.

I would say so. Like I know people who like them because they mark property, sort of like, back of he’s/she’s mine…

I’m really not sure sorry :L

~Niki

Anonymous asked: Thanks so much for answering me, it's helped me quite a bit. Also, bit of a weird question but would you say that 'I'm very fond of you but there's a bit of an age gap' is friend-zoning or..? Because the person I like said that to me - (the anon who hadn't considered that I might be asexual until the person I like mentioned it) I've not mentioned that I think I might be, I'm kind of scared that they'll think I'm just copying them or trying to use it as a way to get into a relationship with them

About the friendzoning people thing, nope. My partner said that to me for yonks, “I really do like you but there is an age gap”. Some people really dont like it. 

About the other part about telling them, maybe ask them a few questions about it, and then relate it to something that you have felt, or about things that asexuals feel…
i.e. Do you ever feel like left out because you’re asexual? Like you dont understand things that other people do?

Hope it helps, and I am glad we helped earlier :) 

~Niki

Anonymous asked: I see you are giving advice and I would like your input on this, so, I am asexual, I know this. But while I don't feel attracted to people sexually I still want to have sex at some point and I don't know how to explain that, or if it makes any since or if you know if there is a word for it.

hello anon~

that makes perfect sense my dear~ i guess the only word for it would be that youre not sex repulsed. it’s a common assumption that all aces are sex repulsed, but the two dont necessarily have to go hand in hand. if you want to have sex, go for it! just make sure its safe and you really do want it before and during :D

good luck dear!

~raven

Anonymous asked: Hey so I recently discovered I like doing sexual things to make my boyfriend feel good, but I don't like having sexual things done to me. Is this normal? And how do I talk to my boyfriend about it? He already knows I'm ace.

hello anon!

i actually just read something today that might pertain to this. it’s called placiosexuality and sounds a lot like what you just described. 

and of course, dear anon, if you feel something, it’s normal and okay and valid, just because you feel it. 

best of luck my dear!

~raven

Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. I told him about my asexuality when I was completely sure of it (after us being together for about 2months) and he was fine with it once I explained it and he didn't mind that we may never have sex. Except now he says he's thinking about leaving me because of it. I know I should just accept it but it hurts a lot.

hello dear~

well, i’m sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, thats how things sometimes turn out between aces and allos… another unfortunate thing is part of life is dating people and breaking up. it’s gonna hurt a lot but if he wants to leave, it probably wont be happy for either of you to stay in that relationship. part of loving him is understanding that he needs things you dont, and understanding that he has to get those needs filled. 

im sorry that this sounds so harsh but unfortunately thats just how it works. you’ll be hurt, and you’ll cry, but from the moment he decided he wanted to leave your relationship can never go back. it’ll take time but you’ll be okay again when this ends…

best of luck my dear<3

~raven

Anonymous asked: So I have this problem where I like the idea of being in love and I kind of make up situations in my head with the person I like, but when I see the person in reality I don't have any feelings for them at all, and I've never really had a crush. Am I a type of asexual?

hello dear~

have you heard of the term lithromantic/sexual? it’s where someone has feelings of some kind but does not want them reciprocated. this word may suit you… what do you think?

hope this helps!

~raven

Anonymous asked: How does an asexual person know that they like a person (crushes I guess)? I mean I use to evaluate whether or not I like someone based on sexual stuff. But now I don't really know

hello anon~

that is a very hard question to answer. sort of like asking how you can tell what part of salt water is salt and not water, you know? it takes time to learn how to evaluate your feelings, but for me i generally just think “would i be comfortable doing x with this person?” in the case of sex that comes up no. 

it takes time and feelings are very hard to figure out. hell, i’m still confused on how to label the feelings i have for my gf of nine months. if it helps, you can look up different definitions of types of attraction [romantic, sensual, etc] and see what things you feel “fall into” each “category”

sorry that wasn’t very clear advice but it’s not a very clear topic to begin with ^-^;;

~raven

Anonymous asked: Hi, I was wondering if you could possibly help me with a problem. I have an incredibly kind and intelligent friend who means the world to me. My parents thought highly of him, too...until he told that he identified as asexual with a romantic attraction to girls. I love him just the way he is, but my parents don't want me associating with him anymore, because they vehemently believe that asexuals can't experience romantic attraction. They simply won't listen to reason. What should I do? Thank you

hello dear anon~

i’m sorry to hear about your predicament…

i’m sure you’ve tried explaining to them that aces can indeed feel romantic attraction. what gets me though is why they dont want you to be friends with him if he “cant ever be interested in you”? [my parents would be relieved that he wouldnt be a “predator”] 

unfortunately, you’re getting advice from someone who doesnt respect parents very much, so i’m going to tell you to continue to be very good friends with him, date him if you both want to, and keep it on the down low from your parents. if they cant care enough to see the truth, from their own child and about someone they supposedly respected, then you wouldnt have to be in this situation. countless kids have been in relationships of any kind without parents knowing, so if you want to still be his friend, that’s what you should do. this seems like the kind of friend who would be there when your parents wont. 

sorry, i hope you get this sorted out dear

~raven

Anonymous asked: Can I experiment with a more androgynous look even if I don't identify as androgynous? Or would that somehow discredit people actually do identify as androgynous?

hello dear anon~

of course you can! clothes are just clothes, and as an agender person i can kinda vouch for this. [though i can’t say for other people ^-^;;] clothes are just clothes, and in fact not all androgyne people dress androgynously. 

the thing about people who dress androgynously [regardless of their gender identity] is that we dress this way because it makes us more comfortable. if it makes you more comfortable to present androgynously, then you have every right to dress that way!

have fun!

~raven

Anonymous asked: For the non ace book writer, I would suggest having the demi boy be understanding of the ace girls lack of desire for sex because he can relate to it, and maybe they both find they really like certain kinds of sensual interaction, and compromise with something like that.

ooo that sounds cute!

~raven

Anonymous asked: Im sex repulsed. I have always been. I still wanted to see if everyone was right, that it would "wear off", that it was just a phase, that i havent found "the right one", that I was a late bloomer. I'm in my 20s now and I feel the same as I always felt. Does this mean im a concrete asexual? I'm biromantic though. But the idea of sex for me its disgusting and unnecessary...

hello dear anon~

well, “concrete” is really relative for any sexuality. by nature, people are fluid, and that includes sexuality. 

disclaimer aside, if you’ve always felt sex repulsed, chances are you probably always will. you may find someday that you would like to do the do with someone you care about, or even a complete stranger, but for now you are you and there is no sense at all in waiting for the sex repulsion to “wear off”. if you are happy not wanting sex, then that’s all you need to be concerned with my dear. and there are plenty of people out there who are willing to date a sex repulsed ace. 

you’ll be okay!

~raven

Anonymous asked: Hi :) I'm 19, f, ace, heteroromantic. You've prob already answered this, so if you just want to link me to a published ask I won't mind, but I couldn't find anything in my search. My question is, how do I get into a romantic relationship with someone when I'm ace? My boyfriend of 2 yrs & I broke up when I balked at kissing him, the next guy didn't even want a second date when I told him I was ace, and now a new guy is pursuing me & I'm scared to tell him. Should I? How?

hello dear~

well, you may be at a dilemma. it is very important that you inform all prospective partners of your boundaries. you deserve a relationship where both you and your partner can be happy. 

have you tried ace-book? it’s a dating/social networking site for aces. 

you’ll find the right guy someday anon, i promise. it may take a while, but it may not hurt to look into dating other aces, or people who are explicitly okay with no sex/making out

~raven

Anonymous asked: Hey, I've never really thought about asexuality but I found out that my friend is asexual a couple of days ago and it got me thinking that maybe I'm asexual. Coincidentally the friend thats asexual is who i currently have feelings for.. I've looked into it a lot on the Internet so I now properly understand what it is (I think) and I understand that there's demisexuality etc. But I'm not sure if I'm asexual or what. The feelings I have for people are (as far as I can't remember) are always (cont)

(cont) due to the person’s personality rather than it being due to looks or sexual attraction. In the past I’ve kind of fantasised about sex but it’s always made me feel quite uncomfortable (im a virgin) I’d just much rather avoid it, id rather hug. Even making out is a bit uncomfortable for me, if I was going to kiss i doubt it would be making out regularly. I can say that someone’s attractive but I tend to avoid the word ‘hot’ as I don’t usually have the urge to have sex with the person (cont)

(cont) where as when my friends say it they usually mean it as in they want to have sex with that person due to their looks. I think it would take me a very long time to be comfortable enough with someone to have sex with them, if at all so I don’t know if I am asexual or not but I’m quite confused about it. I’m also attracted to my own gender, I usually class myself as gay but I’m not positive about that either… Sorry this was so long. I just don’t know what to think right now really…

wow, anon i could have written this myself a few years back. 

it sounds to me like you’re asexual, but that’s really up to you to decide for yourself, i’m afraid. the best advice i can give to you is talk about it, write about it, put it into physical (or written) words. just thinking about it could get confusing and put you through mental circles. talk to your friend and ask how they figured out they were ace. talk to them about how you feel, and maybe, if you’re brave enough say something like “hey, the things i feel for you helped me figure this all out”.

you’ll make sense of it soon enough, dear anon. i’m sure you will

~raven

Anonymous asked: In daily life, I use the term asexual to mean aro ace, the same way people use bisexual to mean bisexual AND biromantic. Is the wrong?

well…. sorta.

the thing is that while bisexuals and straights generally have the corresponding romantic orientations, asexuals don’t. and the lack of sexual attraction emphasizes the romantic orientation. asexual is more of an umbrella term, if you ask me, and if you mean aro ace, say aro ace. homoromantic asexual, say homo ace. 

what the word means to you is up to you, but that up there is what i think~

-raven

Anonymous asked: I recently came out to my friends as asexual and explained it to them and the whole shebang. But I have always had trouble labeling my sexuality and now I feel like I don't want to label it at all. How do I explain this to them?

hello dear anon~

just tell them what you just told me. you thought you were one thing, but that word doesnt fit so well anymore, and you dont want to have a word to define you. if they were okay with you being asexual, i’m sure they will respect you and how you wish to identify. if they dont quite understand, detail them your thought process on how you realized you dont want a label.

best of luck dear anon~

-raven